Hostage

Hi everyone..sorry for not having written anything on Thursday, the trust is I hadn’t managed my time properly so got caught up with other things (but I’m sure you have forgiven me…lol)

This morning I listened to a message that I downloaded from the net that I would love to share with you and goes hand in hand with what we have been speaking about in regards to valuing ourselves, investing in ourselves and knowing who are. What really caught my attention regarding this message is how we can become ‘HOSTAGE’ to our problem. Here are a few examples:

Hostage of insecurity

Hostage of shyness

Hostage of the opinions of others

Hostage of our past

Hostage of a complex

Hostage of a grudge or bad feeling

Hostage of anger

This is just to mention a few. From what I read being held hostage is a person  that is under the control of something else that has dominated them so that they may do the will or fulfil the desires of the one who has held them hostage – in order to be free  there’s a ransom (price) to be paid…really interesting ( on my next post I speak about this ‘PRICE TO BE PAID’ – For your FREEDOM). So before you listen to the message below (and I hope you are able to get something out of it for yourself), read what Jesus – OUR RESCUER said - after all I’m certain no one wants to remain a HOSTAGE to anything or anyone:

2 Timothy 2:26 -  ‘’ Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil's trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants’’

The Approval of Men versus the Approval God

So normally I’m supposed to post every Thursday, but I couldn’t keep this until then…heheheh

In last week Thursdays post I mentioned that I would speak about how I would stress myself so hard to prove the opinions of other people wrong. When I look back I can sincerely say that I was driven by wanting to have peoples approval I wanted to ‘fit in’ to be accepted by those who didn’t necessarily like me for some odd reason or another. I would seek to dress, speak or act like them in the hope that they would notice me & when they didn’t notice me that shattered me internally. If you noticed I mentioned how it hit me hard internally, WHY? Because that was where my problem was and the way I was going about fixing it was to look to please others by changing the EXTERNAL while the INTERNAL SUFFERED. I wanted to justify my insecurities by justifying them through those who were around me (those who shared negative opinions about me), it’s as if my way of fighting back my complexes was to fight back those who spoke bad of me or judged me out of a lack of understanding, so much wasted emotional energy , the truth is you are fighting against the ‘Man In the Mirror’ – which is YOURSELF. I was thinking the other day that INSECURITY means a lack of SECURITY in WHO YOU ARE, it’s when you don’t see yourself as being enough – mainly being good enough for others, but the thing one does not recognise when they are INSECURE  is that their VALUE does not decrease based on the opinions of what others say or don’t say about them but they get so consumed in having to ‘prove themselves’ to others.

I can say that some of the hardest battles to overcome are not those that you see, but are those battles that are WITHIN YOU. Primarily because no one knows the depth of then except you. A lot of times I would look for something to mask our internal issues, after all it seems as long as not one sees them it can’t be all that bad right???...WRONG

In my next post (this coming Thursday) I will speak about how INTERNAL issue can materialise themselves EXTERNALLY…and it does get bad, in the meantime read the following:

Jesus is the epitome of CONFIDENCE, Someone who never seeked the approval of men, after all He did say…’’Your APPROVAL means nothing to me’’ John 5:41 (NLT)

Need I say more.

Unfortunately some still ….’’ loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God’’ John 12:43 (NASB)

"Who do you say I am...."

The journey of knowing who you are is not an easy one....why do I say so? Well because a lot of times you will be faced with obstacles were ‘people opinions’ will try to take charge and in a way try to invade your mind to define who you are. So why do I consider these invasions as ‘people opinions’?, simply because I have come to learn that what people may say or may think of me is NEVER a FACT purely because they don’t know me, this may sound like a cliché, but it’s true. A lot of times what people say is based on many factors (but I’m not here to speak about that maybe on a later post) . So, please don’t get me wrong, I mean there have been situations I have encountered were well meaning people out of wanting the best for me have said ‘or you are this, you are that, I don’t like it when you do this or that….etc.’’ – now I don’t take that personally purely because I am fully aware of that persons intentions – that they are good. So I listen & evaluate myself and work on whatever it may be to change (not to please that person of course).

But I’m not talking about the group of ‘well-wishers & good –intentions’’ but I speak of those whose ulterior motive is to put you down, to make you ‘feel’ less of yourself, to tear you down. I have had my share of these people, I don’t resent them (NOT AT ALL) but I have learnt that if you don’t know who you are…you will most likely be affected by them, at some point I was one who was affected by their ‘opinions’ and I tell you it was one of the biggest challenges to overcome. Out of being naïve I would stress myself just to proof a point to them that I was not what they thought. Living to ‘proof a point’ to people is a waste of time to be honest and next week I will speak more about this in the meantime read the message below. People always had opinions of whom Jesus was, yet that didn’t faze Him, He didn’t live to ‘proof a point to anyone’ because He knew from where His IDENTITY came from..

Matthew 16:13-20 New International Version (NIV)

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven

See you next week Thursday my readers.

Invest in Yourself - its called SELF-LOVE

One of the projects I started about 2 years ago or so was this blog….I love to write it’s one of my hidden talents that I don’t invest much on purely because I don’t make the effort to.

I have learnt that when we don’t invest in ourselves it’s a sign that we don’t value ourselves, I mean think with me - the thing that we invest in the most shows that we value it, whether it be a

relationship, business, friendship whatever it may be, we show its importance to us by investing in it.

So 2015 I decided that I would invest in me & my talents and write more and share some of my experiences with you. For each month I will chose a topic to write about, every Thursday I will post something regarding that topic (my personal commitment) . I’m so excited…see you all soon.

The Lions Den

At the end of this series I would like my readers to know this that the word of God never lies, the strength of God never fails & God does not forsake nor forget those that belong to Him, but you have to fight, you have to persevere & you have to use your FAITH. This story does have a happy ending, not because it’s a fairy tale story but because of what is written in the word of God, ‘’those that are born of God OVERCOME the world’’ – 1 John 5:4

About 3 months ago I faced a situation that really pushed my faith. In my wildest dreams I never thought I would go through such a desert, they say ‘’God doesn’t give you something you can’t handle’ it’s true, but sometimes the enormousness of the situation can at times overwhelm you. For the first time in my faith I began to make the prayer ‘ Lord let your will be done, above my own will, just as long as you make the pain go away & give me the strength to face whatever lies ahead’’ – Those words were not easy to say yet I made this prayer sincerely, wholeheartedly.

I call that stage of my life ‘THE LIONS DEN’
I overcame this situation by the VOW I made while in ‘THE LIONS DEN’

The 2nd of August 2013 was like any other day for me, it was a beautiful sunny day, I had my plans to do certain things, but I remember God saying to me,’’ You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail’’ -(Proverbs 19: 21).  Who could have imagined that later on that day I would come to understand what He meant. At 17:25pm (yes I remember the time as this event really marked me), I was informed that I was to be DETAINED, for those of you who have never faced an immigration problem this means that I was to be put in a centre where they keep people who have failed immigration applications and the whole idea of placing them there is to DEPORT them back to their home country.

As soon as I was informed of this my world crushed, I didn’t believe what I heard, all I could imagine was me in a cell, my freedom being denied. Within myself I said - ‘My God, what is going on!’’. Everything happened so fast, there was no time to cry, I had to think, and I had to make a decision as to what I would do next…

My head felt so pressured, I was placed in a small room alone, there was no window for fresh air, I took my hand and as I placed  it on top of my head, I asked God to give me strength in my mind to withstand this ordeal.

I remember one young lady who was to be detained with me, she was so fearful & crying as if she were to be sent to the death penalty and I said to her ‘’It’s not time to cry, you have to be strong…’’ (In that moment I was the one who wanted to cry)…TO BE CONTINUED

The Rise & Fall: Charlotte - Part 1

It had already been about 1 month or less (if I’m correct) that I had started attending the church, I was slowly changing in terms of no longer having the sleepless nights or the suicidal thoughts. Prior to coming to the church I had battled for about 5 years to get over an ex-boyfriend, it took this long because I held on to the ‘’hope’’ that he was the one. There were times when I wanted this person so much even though deep down I knew he was no good for me, but I kept ‘’wishing’, ‘hoping’, because for me, he represented my ‘’life-line’’, without him for me there was no point of living- so out of this idea, came along the thoughts of suicide. I remember the first challenge of faith I took part in while in the church was regarding my love-life, because that was what brought me there in the first place. I didn’t quite understand this challenge, my mind at that time understood it as ‘’God would give you whatever you WISHED for’’. So my greatest wish at that time was to be with my ex-partner, who at that time was in Canada, and I was in the UK.

My request was to go and see him & finally for us to be together (what an illusion I had), funny to say a week after I presented my challenge to God, I was given a financial condition that allowed me to go to Canada, that same week I booked my flight & hotel and I informed my ex-partner that I was on my way to see him. He was excited which in a way for me I translated it as, he wants us to be together and this encouraged me more to pursue this ‘illusion of mine, also he had informed me that he had broken up with a girl he was 'temporarily dating' prior to me arriving because he wanted us to be together (one of the biggest lies I fell for).

I informed my then Pastor a day before of my travel plans, I just told him I was going on holiday, he prayed for me, but for some strange reason I noticed a concerned look on his face…but I didn’t pay attention to it, all he said was, ‘’Make sure you come back’’ – little did he know, I was not planning to come back - (to the church that is). Not that anything was wrong with the church…NO NOT AT ALL – For me I got what I had asked God for, so I thought to myself, why keep coming…

A few days later, I landed in Canada, with so much excitement, on the plane I was full of ‘’butterflies in my stomach’’, I was going to meet my ‘soul-mate’, after so long being apart, it ‘’felt’’ so right, yet deep down, I had this sinking feeling that it wasn’t going to be as I had ‘wished it would be’.

MISTAKE NUMBER 1 – The warning signs that he wasn’t the one…

He didn’t pick me up at the airport, he was at a party, even though he knew the day & time I would land in the country, he didn’t make arrangements to at least welcome me, I was confused at an airport with hundreds of people around me, that was the first argument I had with him, after I made so much effort to travel to see him, he didn’t even make the slightest effort to welcome me. Luckily a taxi driver came to me and asked ‘’Ma’am do you need a ride to your hotel…’’, reluctantly I answered, ‘Yes, please…’’

I arrived at my hotel, it was so unwelcoming unlike the pictures I saw on the internet, disappointment number 2, but I brushed it off…

MISTAKE NUMBER 2- The warning signs that he wasn’t the one…

He arrived close to 1am the next day to welcome me; mind you it had been almost 5 hrs since I had landed in the country, he was drunk, looked messy (he didn’t even make the effort to look smart just for me), the biggest turn off for me was, he looked fat (nothing of whom he was when I last saw him)…..TO BE CONTINUED

This is Charlotte Banda who will be sharing her story with the hope of helping other girls...

 

Desiree Thomas : Final

 

A POEM…

It’s all coming back to me now

What I wanted was to fade away from the problems
My very existence became the problem itself
Everything I tried to lean on pushed me away
Unwanted, unloved – I didn’t exist
I was left alone afraid and confused
No longer the controller of my mind

Trapped in a body while my life was lived on rewind, I had forgotten the person I was inside. Slowly adding to the scars of the words that cut deep

Broken and crushed from within
I was like the unwanted toy left abandoned and taking up space
The suffering was too much, yet becoming numb to the pain
It was time to end it or it would end me

But I knew I couldn’t do it on my own....a loud cry from the depth of my soul

‘’CAN SOMEBODY HEAR ME, DOES ANYONE CARE’’

This was my all or nothing shout
Then suddenly a change of events occurred

Like a HERO He arrived in my darkest night

With His HEROIC ENTRANCE into my life , an opportunity came to change from within
Skeletons in the closet, were all unlocked
Goodbye to the crutches I no longer need you

I’m no longer the victim, I am victory itself

He rescued me from the depth of the pit

He understood me when no-one else did
I have the source of my strength within

So I continue on this journey renewed, revived and FREE

 

 SONG : RENEW ME BY AVALON