A
couple of weeks went by and things become tense between us. I became really
sick and I didn't know what was wrong. ... As I sat there side by side with
him, trembling with fear, thinking of the worst, the nurse came in the room.
She had a set of papers in her hand; I thought it was just my prescription -
take some tablets and everything would be fine. The nurse finally hit me with
the harsh reality…she hit me with something that would scar me for life, a mark
that would be a reminder of the careless decision I made. “I’m sorry to say Keisha,
but you had a miscarriage" - I didn't know what to do or what to say, I
was in shock and fear, completely paralysed by fear.
As we
went home we didn't speak one word to each other. Complete silence. As the
weeks went by we started to speak but things just wasn't the same between us.
Baring in mind whilst all this was happening I was still coming to the church.
Yet my conscious was so heavy…
I had
many opportunities to speak to the Pastors or the assistants but I kept quiet. Suffering
in the awkward silence. I thought that no one needed to know my business. I was
soon approached by an Assistant because they noticed something was wrong; I was
always down and constantly crying. As I sat down and spoke to her she reassured
me that everything would be fine. At this moment I was in a totally shut down.
Everywhere I went I thought that everyone was in my business.
Things
just became tough. The small hill became a BIG mile stone. Things between me
and my boyfriend became distant we hardly spoke. Through this many arguments
arose. Days, weeks and months went by as we slowly drifted apart. The signs
became obvious as those outside saw that we fought hard to patch up the little
that we had. I knew what I had to do, it was time to put this relationship aside
and start again…ALONE. I had two minds- to stay in the church or go. I was
getting advised by the assistants and pastors and they told me what was
necessary and from then I knew what I had to do.
This
battle was not easy it went on for a year, whether we should break up so we can
both grow or stay stuck in the same miserable situation. After I actually took
time to think and analyse I knew what I had to do. It wasn't easy to say
"we need to break up" but I plucked up the courage to say it. I knew
exactly what I wanted and if I desired for this complete change then I needed
to offload all the baggage of the past hurt and the pain I had towards the
miscarriage.
I can
now say that I'm a happier and a more peaceful person not only because I
decided to abandon the old me but because I made a decision to be renewed. All
the struggles that I went through allowed me to be stronger today. I have found
forgiveness in God, I have found myself…
These are
the people God placed in my life that helped me & supported me along the
way…(picture below)
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