''Where have your eyes been''..???

In a world filled with so many distractions, everything calling our attention, problems here & there.

“At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together.” ~ Rob Dyer

God is holding you together…let’s focus on Him J

 

Anime & Me - Desiree Thomas -Part 2

So I got introduced to a new ‘friend’ called Anime (which is a Japanese Cartoon but with more mature storylines) for me it started off as a hobby – you know watching them for the sake of ‘passing time’, later it became an addiction.

I would get hooked on the plot twists as some storylines were related to my life like Naurto (one of the characters of Anime) was a lonely person, just like me. Then I liked the cute romantic storylines as it’s something I desired (to be in a relationship), or I would even watch the comedy themed Anime to help me forget my troubles, mistakes and help me to be ‘happy’ – for a moment at least. I found my new best friend, my crutch because compared to any movie or any soap, Anime is all based on the drawing of the storyline (manga). Therefore meaning as long as they can draw it, they can do it whatever they like on the storyline whereas movies and soaps always seem to be the same old storylines and pretty soon it all becomes very predictable. Now suddenly reality was no longer important for me, I was seeing reality so predictable and so boring my reality was predictable & boring…not as exciting and thrilling as the Anime I was watching. As the possibilities were just endless, my imagination took me anywhere I wanted, far away from everything that was bothering me. So I closed the door of reality, I didn’t want to face it.

I was giving more time to Anime, from 2 hours it increased to 8 hours straight of watching Anime, I think the most I watched was around 200 episodes from one Anime show (each 20 to 30 minute) in a week, plus I moved to read the rest of the storyline in the cartoon books which was less than 100 chapters. However, all things come to an end as I was realising that I was finishing Anime after Anime, the amazing storylines were fading. I wasn’t satisfied I wanted more. That’s when I discovered the other side of Anime, the sexual side to it, I didn’t realise this before as they would show hints & flashes of sexual scenes. These small scenes grabbed my curiosity but I didn’t care. I would feel ‘deprived’ if I didn’t watch Anime…

This was happening during my final GCSE exams, I would make an excuse of watching them as a means to de-stress from all the pressure of my studies, so imagine - my concentration span was divided. Watching them seriously impacted on my frame of mind, scene after scene of Anime would re-play over and over again in my mind.

As the saying goes ‘’curiosity killed the cat’’ – well in my case ‘’curiosity killed my innocence’’…

Mirror Mirror On The Wall...''Whose the Fairest of Them All?'' - Desiree Thomas

So when secondary school life came, I was bullied (mainly because of my teeth at that time they were not straight at all) and plus at this point I didn’t know how to speak out for myself I was so closed. Until one day the BULLYING stopped - a girl spoke out for me to shut the bullies - as a result we became friends, in her I found someone who could be my shield, someone to lean on, like a crutch. At this point, I started following her lead she always had all the attention, she was loud, lively unlike me the total opposite – I was more of a  ‘tag-along’ than a friend to be honest.

I wanted to be as loud as her but however what I was unaware of at that time was that she would be a bad influence on me.  She would steal from shops, she had a sharp attitude, out of her mouth would come a flood of swear words and I would just follow after all I was ‘the tag-along’.

 But I didn’t care much, as she got attention, so did I…it all seemed so perfect.  I started to lie as a means to be heard, for people to pay more attention to me…I mean my life wasn’t that interesting, so why not create something interesting for people to hear…LIES…

At times I would talk complete rubbish as long as I was interesting enough to listen to. However pretty soon people stopped listening again… and started calling me WEIRD and all sorts of names… I couldn’t hold up the FAKE ME no more, it required so much work...so much effort & so many lies. After a while it’s hard to tell the truth from the lies, I became the lie itself. I was a human sponge and storing in my heart every paralysing word that would put me down – after all that’s what I did best , lock up my heart & take it in, but never knew how to take it out. When I saw that I finally couldn’t fit in my group of friends anymore I started seeking a new bunch of friends, I was looking for more crutches to lean on because on my own I was falling apart….(TO BE CONTINUED)

 

This is Desiree Thomas who will share her story in the hope of helping other girls…



Where Do Broken Hearts Go?....Keisha Ofili -Final

 

I know you may be thinking "things were easy after the break up"- that's where you’re wrong. After I decided to let go things did start to move forward in my life, but on the other hand I was faced with the emotional battle. Every day the thought came into my mind to leave the church it wasn't worth going through pain every time I saw him, but I snapped out of that thought quickly. I couldn't bring myself to be around him because every time our eyes met the thoughts would hit me, the thought of the first day we met and how ‘happy’ we were. All kinds of things ran through my mind. I said to myself "if you’re sure on what you want then you will remain ".

Whilst we were dating I formed a group of friends, his friends became my friends. These ‘friends’ would advise me in contradiction to what I was hearing from the pastors and assistants. They told me that me and him were ‘meant to be’ and I should fight to get back with him. As fragile and as delicate as I was, my mind would tell me one thing whilst my heart told me another. After the battle I had I still managed to stand my ground. I was sure that I would not look back.

I received cold welcomes from these ‘so-called –friends’ these people that were apparently willing to help showed me the cold side of them, as they brushed me under the carpet and quite frankly didn't want anything to do with me, the invitations to birthdays and dinners no longer existed as I was no longer a part of their ‘club’.

It’s funny really, because while their eyes changed towards me God would help me daily to have good eyes towards them. If my eyes had turned ‘evil’ because of them ‘brushing me off as if I didn’t exist’, I would be full of grudges and far from the new person I am today…

So I accepted their cold shoulders. I'm definitely not super women who has the ability to abolish all kinds of feelings because then honestly I still had feelings for him. The only reason as to why I was able to put my feelings aside was only because I was determined to have God in me. There were times when we would walk past each other staring at the floor just to avoid eye contact. It was not an easy journey. I consoled many times in the assistants just when I didn't know where to go from there, each time we spoke the pain that was planted in my heart was soon uprooted at that moment.

I managed to keep myself busy. I had to start afresh and make a new circle of friends; it was a tough one because all the other girls in the church I just didn't get along with, not because they were bad people but because we didn't have much in common. I took the time to know each girl and I can say that our friendship has grown till this day we are still very good friends.

These are friends who are sincere to me, who tell me the truth to help me at times it hurts but God says….

Proverbs 27: 6 ‘’Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy’’ (New Living Translation)

The journey I had I've learnt quite a few things: just patiently wait. Maybe your reading this and your thinking to yourself that "it's hard to leave my boyfriend", the only reason why it's hard is because you made it that way. I know sometimes you may think that no one understands you but you will be surprised how many people actually know and how much help they can offer. Take this opportunity to be renewed.

So here is the answer to the question: WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO?

The answer is below:

 

 

 

I will not let you go unless you bless me...

Matthew 11:12, ‘’…and from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force’’

Things Fall Apart...Picking Up The Pieces : Keisha Ofili Part 2

A couple of weeks went by and things become tense between us. I became really sick and I didn't know what was wrong. ... As I sat there side by side with him, trembling with fear, thinking of the worst, the nurse came in the room. She had a set of papers in her hand; I thought it was just my prescription - take some tablets and everything would be fine. The nurse finally hit me with the harsh reality…she hit me with something that would scar me for life, a mark that would be a reminder of the careless decision I made. “I’m sorry to say Keisha, but you had a miscarriage" - I didn't know what to do or what to say, I was in shock and fear, completely paralysed by fear.

As we went home we didn't speak one word to each other. Complete silence. As the weeks went by we started to speak but things just wasn't the same between us. Baring in mind whilst all this was happening I was still coming to the church. Yet my conscious was so heavy…

I had many opportunities to speak to the Pastors or the assistants but I kept quiet. Suffering in the awkward silence. I thought that no one needed to know my business. I was soon approached by an Assistant because they noticed something was wrong; I was always down and constantly crying. As I sat down and spoke to her she reassured me that everything would be fine. At this moment I was in a totally shut down. Everywhere I went I thought that everyone was in my business.

Things just became tough. The small hill became a BIG mile stone. Things between me and my boyfriend became distant we hardly spoke. Through this many arguments arose. Days, weeks and months went by as we slowly drifted apart. The signs became obvious as those outside saw that we fought hard to patch up the little that we had. I knew what I had to do, it was time to put this relationship aside and start again…ALONE. I had two minds- to stay in the church or go. I was getting advised by the assistants and pastors and they told me what was necessary and from then I knew what I had to do.

This battle was not easy it went on for a year, whether we should break up so we can both grow or stay stuck in the same miserable situation. After I actually took time to think and analyse I knew what I had to do. It wasn't easy to say "we need to break up" but I plucked up the courage to say it. I knew exactly what I wanted and if I desired for this complete change then I needed to offload all the baggage of the past hurt and the pain I had towards the miscarriage.

I can now say that I'm a happier and a more peaceful person not only because I decided to abandon the old me but because I made a decision to be renewed. All the struggles that I went through allowed me to be stronger today. I have found forgiveness in God, I have found myself…

These are the people God placed in my life that helped me & supported me along the way…(picture below)

 

Patiently Waiting : Keisha Ofili

This is Keisha Ofili this is what she wrote as a way to help other girls:

This is her story as written by her…

PART 1

It all started off on Facebook. One simple add turns into a 3 year relationship. I could consider myself as easy going on Facebook I accepted any old friend request mainly from guys. Early June 2010 a guy added me but there was something different about him something…I wanted to know what it was that drew me closer to him. We spoke until 3:00am in the morning just getting to know each other then things got serious. I gave him my number and then that's when the conversations got deep. We spoke about past relationship, past hurts and also spoke about "our" future.

Couple weeks later we decided to take things to another level. Face to face. That's the first day our eyes met and to be honest with you I had no slight interest in him. I thought he was not my cup of tea. We were total opposites. We then took things to a whole new level. He popped the question “will you go out with me" - filled with all types of emotions I said yes, without thinking.

We had a really love hate relationship were he would do everything to please me and I wouldn't care much about his feelings. Whilst dating I found out that he was a church boy; this intrigued me because I thought "what would a church boy want to do with a girl like me.” He would invite me now and again to events but I just wasn't interested.

After a few months I soon joined the church, I was so amazed at how people were so welcoming, "people actually wanted God in their lives" I thought to myself. On the other hand as I looked at my boyfriend he was totally different. We would both come church and yet the things we did were contradictory to what we were taught in church. We both didn't have a problem with coming church and still living the wrong lifestyle behind closed doors. Things started to become really serious as we dated for a year and a couple of months.

I wanted something from him that I knew he was afraid to ask for. I had a wrong desire to sleep with him whilst we were going to church and listening to the messages that were preached every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday but yet I still had this hidden desire at the back of my mind "I really want to sleep with him"- the feelings that I never had for him were love and care so I figured if we sleep together I would probably like him a little bit more, care for him more…. 

 

After all the pressure we were home alone watching a movie and I told him this is what I wanted. He looked at me as if I was crazy.......... (TO BE CONTINUED)